Survival Guide for When Life Decisions Hit Back

Recently my boyfriend and I came to a decision that has changed both of our lives. This decision is a good one and I would like to think that it's very adult of us to have arrived at it. We work together and live together. I wouldn't recommend this for anyone. You wake up together, leave for work together, come home together, eat dinner together, go to bed together.... Needless to say, it's been a roller coaster of a relationship. Not always a fun ride to be on but it's one I would like to stay on. So in order to do so, we decided to do this. But first, a little background.

Back in January we had a conversation that maybe we should seek some outside help. I took it upon myself to find the right counsellor for the job. In the past, we went to his counsellor (once) and to mine (also for only one visit). I don't recommend that you see each other's counsellors for couples therapy. It just doesn't work. Someone (mostly me) is left feeling awkward and wanting to run away quickly or fake an illness in order to have the session end early. Why? Because my counsellor Trevor knows me. He knows my past, my issues with certain situations I've encountered, my feelings, my sense of not being grounded sometimes, my fear of birds and clowns, and other things just as odd. That being said, I should state that it is also my opinion that anyone who has gone to therapy might not always open up and share about a certain something, event or feeling in the exact way that it actually happened or how it really made you feel, I'm no exception. As a matter of fact, I might have started this rumor based on my own experiences. (A person would think sharing your most intimate secrets and emotional turmoil to a stranger would be easy, a stranger you're even paying to listen to you whine and blunder on, but it's just not).

So in January I decided to find us a new couples counsellor. A fresh start. A new perspective on us and our relationship. So I did what any reasonable sound minded person would do. I went to the counsellor of British Columbia website and scrolled through the hundreds of pictures until I found him; my white haired, beard bearing, kind hearted grandpa like counsellor. I'm sure he had excellent credentials and came with all sorts of praise, bu I wasn't interested in that. I needed someone I could talk too. Someone that had white hair, big beard and a kind face. So with great joy and delight, I made us an appointment. We continued to see this counsellor for many months until we finally decided to stop and made a big decision on our own. The adult decision. The "lets move out together" decision. So Rob's moving out.

This is where the survival guide starts. There are a couple of things I have learned that I would like to share in case any of you are thinking about perhaps testing out the Oprah/Stedman philosophy of relationships. I'm sure there are many more lessons coming my way, but I have learned the first two today and had to share.

Rule #1.

On the day he gets his new place and you are now about to pack, do not make it the day you get your period. Period + PMS + Realization that you are about to live alone with cats in your mid-30's = SAD. I haven't experienced PMS since I was on the pill (which after 18 years I stopped taking in January). No cramps, no bloating or need to eat really salty things then cry about being bloated as if the salty products had nothing to do with it. Or just cry. But today the nasty three letter word seemed to have crept back into my life.

Rule #2.

Do not go to IKEA. Rob and I were walking through the kitchen items department when I saw a package containing two wooden cutting boards. I turned to Rob and asked if he was taking any of the cutting boards. He said yes. So I picked up a package. We stared at each other. I had this overwhelming feeling of sad swhoosh over my body. I looked around and there they were, happy couples. Couples holding hands, smiling at each other and picking out what kind of cutting boards they would like to have in their kitchen, the kitchen that they share. And there was I, holding a replacement package for which ever one of us needed it, looking at my soon-to-be-not-living-with-me-boyfriend.... The tears started to flow and thanks to Aunt Flo, boy did they ever. I quietly put the package down and walked away silently to the candle section hoping that the thought of me having baths to candlelight would somehow cheer me up. *sigh*

So there you go people, the first two rules. This actually happened last week (I'm a little behind on posting) and I have encountered a few more since. Time to make a gin martini and watch bad television.