Remembering

Last night I couldn't sleep. I tossed and turned. I tried lying on my side. Then my stomach. Then on my back with a pillow over my head. Then I was too hot. So I dangled a leg over the side of the bed. Then I was too cold. At some point I finally drifted off into dreamland.

This morning when I awoke I realized why I had trouble falling asleep. I was mad. I was disappointed. I was a lot of things, none of which were positive feelings, the kind that you should have before you go to sleep. I can't say if it was over anything in particular, kind of a mixed bag, but either way it didn't allow me to be happy.

I came into work this morning with the same kind of feeling. This tightness in the chest. Nothing is really wrong, I'm just not as happy as maybe I should be. I got my coffee and went to my favorite news sites. I usually do this at home while eating breakfast but because I was running late (didn't get to work until 9am!!!) I took the first five minutes of sitting at my desk to quickly glance.

The first article was about an old teacher of mine in North Vancouver who died Monday night in a fire. His beloved dog Ashley was found next to him. Oh gawd, not helping my looming feeling. The next article was equally depressing. Then I came across an article that stopped me dead in my tracks. "The Last Post".

I started to read this and by the time I got to the end all the air in my body had been sucked out of me taking all feelings with it. I sat quietly still holding my coffee cup (Fluffy's Cafe) and stared out the window, looking down onto Broadway; the rain coming down in sheets..... This man's last entry I think has changed my life. I can't quite explain it.

Derek Miller, may you rest in peace, I can not thank you enough for coming into my life now. Even though you are gone, your words are not. I can't wait to read your archived blogs.

Thank you.